Sad that peoplle are so self-centered and Selfish
How one overlooked habit nearly cost me more than money
We don’t always recognize selfishness in the mirror. It often wears justifications, good intentions, or family tradition. But make no mistake: selfishness, especially in marriage, is a silent wrecking ball—it chips away at trust, unity, and peace.
According to Marriage.com, selfishness is “the act of prioritizing one’s own needs, desires, and interests above those of others.” In a marriage, that’s more than bad manners—it’s a heart issue.
“A selfish heart doesn’t have to shout—it just has to ignore.”
A Costly Lesson in the Ozarks
(Excerpt from Hunting Trials and Trails, unpublished memoir)
After I got married, I developed a dangerous habit: buying what I wanted without consulting my wife. One year, I spent nearly $600 on hunting gear—without telling Helen.
She found the receipts and confronted me, her voice cracking:
“Ronald, I don’t know how I’m going to pay the bills this month!”
That moment hit like a bullet ricocheting off stone. My pride flared—but deep down, I knew she was right.
“Love isn’t just about flowers and anniversaries—it’s about shared decisions and mutual respect.”
I returned the defective rifle, got a better one, and added more to the tab. At the range, a man named John taught me marksmanship. God was teaching me something deeper—how to hit the target in marriage.
That night, I told Helen: “I broke our budget and your trust. I’ll talk to you next time.”
“Selfishness always demands. Love always listens.”
When Selfishness Shatters Everything
Here’s a heart-wrenching story I encountered:
“My selfishness shattered everything.”
A woman shared how a secret affair ruined her 20-year marriage. Her husband’s heartbreak turned violent. He went to prison. Her children stopped speaking to her. Her brother disowned her.
“A single selfish act can burn down a lifetime of love—and some losses may never be rebuilt.”
Read the entire story here. https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforWaywards/comments/xj8nt2/my_selfishness_ruined_my_family/
Selfishness in Families: A Quick Checklist
Selfishness wears many masks in family life:
- Ignoring others’ needs
- Emotional manipulation
- Refusing to share
- Lack of empathy
- Disrespecting boundaries
- Constantly seeking attention
- Refusing to compromise
- Neglecting responsibilities
“Selfishness isn’t always loud—it often hides behind excuses and entitlement.”
So, How Do You Change?
- Recognize the root is spiritual.
Ask God to reveal selfish patterns. Address them in prayer and action. - Seek help when needed.
If your behavior leans toward narcissism, professional biblical based counseling is a wise step.
Summary from LynneNamka.com
- False self: Many develop selfish patterns as a survival response to childhood wounds.
- Narcissistic fantasy: Reality gets replaced with delusion to avoid pain.
- Swiss Cheese Brain: Gaps in conscience allow rationalization and blame.
- Damaged intimacy: Real relationships require empathy, which narcissists lack.
- Can they change? Only if they’re willing to face loss and discomfort.
- Healthy narcissism: Self-care, confidence, and boundaries are good. It’s chronic selfishness that causes harm.
Becoming a Selfless Spouse
Adapted from:
👉 Our Peaceful Family
Early in our marriage, Helen came home from work and buried her face in a pillow, weeping. I didn’t press her. I sat on the bed next to my lady in silence, holding her hand. An hour later, she opened up. That one moment opened the door for future communication.
“Sometimes, love says nothing—and just stays present.”
What I’ve Learned:
- Take Responsibility
Change started when I admitted my faults. - Communicate Honestly
Car rides became our talking time. We instructed our kids not to interrupt unless it was urgent. - Shift the Mindset
Marriage isn’t about “me”—it’s about “we.” That truth shaped our sixty years together. - Practice Patience
I learned to work on my faults, be gracious with hers, and stop expecting overnight transformation. - Stop the Blame Game
Marriage isn’t a scorecard—it’s a covenant. - Serve Daily
Over time, I began doing dishes, laundry, meals, and bedtime routines. Encouragement flowed naturally. Trust deepened.
“A thriving marriage isn’t built on grand gestures—it’s built on daily service.”
Read the full article here:
👉 https://ourpeacefulfamily.com/selfishness-in-marriage-how-to-overcome-selfish-behavior-become-selfless-spouse/
Let’s Change the Pattern
- Examine your habits
- Name your faults
- Embrace real emotions
- Leave the fantasy—live in the now
“Freedom begins the moment we stop blaming others and start changing ourselves.”
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Grace and peace to you in 2025.
In His Service,
Ron