By Ron McElfresh
Check out my previous Blog post at: https://ronmcelfreshwriter.com/blog/
“You’re just like your father. You can’t do anything right.”
Did you grow up hearing words like that? Do you find yourself repeating the same damaging patterns your parents modeled—especially when angry? If so, it’s time for change. You can break free.
In this blog, I’ll share my own journey with anger and how G-d brought healing into my life. I pray it will offer hope and guidance as you walk your own path to freedom.
Childhood Wound
At age nine, an emotional lightning bolt struck my heart—igniting resentment, hatred, and a deep well of anger.
My dad worked at a refinery in Houston, Texas. One afternoon, he came home from work, threw his hat on the chair, and settled into his brown rocker. My three younger siblings ran to him, and he swept them into his arms with delight.
Excited for his attention, I rushed over—only to be shoved away by his strong arm. His scowl pierced through me as he growled,
“You’re too old for this, Ron!”
It wasn’t just the words. His tone and expression screamed: You’re not wanted.
My stomach twisted. I shrank into a corner and cried myself to sleep that night. I never approached him again for love. From that moment on, I saw him as a cold, angry villain—someone I had to survive, not admire.
Dinner became a battleground. “Elbows off the table, boy!” he’d bark. Or he’d slap me and yell, “Stop smacking your lips!”
I would quietly slip away when he wasn’t looking—ashamed, unseen, and unloved.
In my teen years, I retreated into a fantasy world. I became the hero in my own imaginary movies—where I always won. In real life, my father’s criticism never stopped, and I made a vow:
“I will never be like him.”
But anger has a way of following us—even when we try to outrun it.
A Divine Wake-Up Call
As an adult—and even as a pastor—I struggled with anger.
One morning while driving home from a pre-dawn prayer meeting, I sensed the voice of Christ say,
“Ron, you are a very angry person.”
I wept. He was right. I went home, sat quietly, and poured my heart out. That’s when the Lord whispered,
“You and I have a great relationship, but I want more for you. Let me show you the Father.”
Because of my painful experience with my earthly dad, I had never truly connected with my heavenly Father. But that night, it felt as if Jesus placed my hand into the Father’s.
Waves of love and healing washed over me like warm oil. I basked in His presence for over an hour—and my heart began to heal. That moment marked a new beginning in my walk with G-d.
Still, the journey wasn’t over.
Healing from Anger: A Lifelong Process
Even after experiencing the Father’s love, I continued to wrestle with anger. But I’m grateful to say the flare-ups are fewer now—and my wife and kids can attest to that.
Here’s what helped me move toward healing:
What I Did to Heal:
• Brutal honesty. I faced my anger and brought it to G-d. With an open Bible in my lap, I asked Him for guidance. Scriptures like Proverbs 16:32 and 19:11 became anchors for my transformation.
“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty…”
• Positive self-talk grounded in scripture. I rewrote my inner dialogue and trained my subconscious to think differently.
• Humble apologies. When I lost control, I owned it and asked for forgiveness.
• Identifying the root. My anger didn’t come from who I was—it came from what I learned watching my father’s reactions.
To learn more, visit: https://www.phasesvirginia.com/life-in-phases/breaking-the-cycle-understanding-and-overcoming-generational-anger-in-families
The Toll of Anger on a Child
Children in angry, abusive homes often retreat—into fantasy, isolation, or friends’ houses where they feel safe.
The unspoken message?
“I’m not safe. I’m not loved. I wish I didn’t exist.”
These wounds can last a lifetime, damaging self-worth and preventing healthy conflict resolution.
As the author in Phases Virginia put it:
“Growing up with an angry parent can lead to chronic stress, fear-based decision-making, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.”
Six Steps to Overcome Anger
- Seek your heavenly Father. Invite Him into the process and ask for His help with your emotions.
- Forgive. Let go of resentment toward those who hurt you—and forgive yourself, too.
- Explore the root causes. Look at your childhood honestly and prayerfully.
- Seek help. A faith-based counselor can walk with you toward healing.
- Take care of yourself. Spend time alone with G-d. Nourish your soul.
- Model a new path. Show the next generation what emotional wholeness looks like.
For more, see: https://caretochange.org/understanding-family-influence-7-steps-to-breaking-generational-patternsapril/
G-d is shaping you into someone new—loving, patient, forgiving. You may wonder, “Can I really become that kind of person?” No. You can’t.
But G-d can. He’s doing it in me, and He can do it in you.
Remember:
• Be honest with yourself.
• Speak G-d’s truth over your life.
• Apologize when you mess up.
• Understand where your anger comes from.
And take the next step:
• Ask G-d to guide your emotions.
• Forgive freely.
• Get to the root.
• Seek wise counsel.
• Nurture your soul.
• Be a model of healing for others.
Let’s Stay Connected
If this story resonated with you, I invite you to join my community.
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Grace and peace to you in 2025.
In His Service,
Ron