This weekend, Helen and I celebrate sixty-one years of marriage.
Sixty-one years of shared dreams, laughter, tears, ministry, raising children, welcoming grandchildren, and learning that real love is far deeper than romance.
When people hear we’ve been married for more than six decades, they sometimes ask, “What’s the secret?”
The truth is, there isn’t one secret.
There are thousands of daily choices.
Choices to forgive.
Choices to listen.
Choices to sacrifice.
Choices to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own.
Most importantly, is God’s design for marriage.
That’s why I keep coming back to Paul’s words in Ephesians 5…
Ephesians 5:25-28
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Paul, in the verse above, says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Let’s explore how Christ loved the church.
- He sacrificed himself on the cross for the church
- He sanctified the church by the washing of water by the word.
- He presented the church without spot or wrinkle, presenting her holy and without blemish
In other words, Christ’s work with the church came because he sacrificed Himself. That’s how a husband’s love should be for his wife. It should be sacrificial. He denies himself for her sake, thinking of ways to make her happy.
Love is not measured by what we receive, but by what we willingly give.
My marriage journey hasn’t been perfect. In our early years, I was often selfish, thinking of my needs first. Rather than creating harmony, that produced friction. Helen was patient and kind. She didn’t constantly criticize, but when necessary, she lovingly pointed out where I needed to grow.
Looking back, one of the greatest gifts God gave me was a wife who taught me what unconditional love looks like.
Over the years, I’ve learned that strong marriages don’t happen accidentally. They are built intentionally.
Here are a few lessons I wish every husband understood.
Put Christ at the center of your marriage.
Become the spiritual leader of your home.
Put your wife’s needs ahead of your own.
Learn what makes her feel loved.
Spend intentional time together.
Show affection often.
Communicate openly and honestly.
Serve each other joyfully.
Never stop dating your spouse.
Thank God regularly for the gift of your marriage.
Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14
“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” — Romans 12:10
After sixty-one years, I still haven’t mastered marriage.
I’m still learning, growing.
I’m still discovering new reasons to appreciate the woman God gave me all those years ago.
Marriage isn’t sustained by grand gestures alone. It is strengthened by thousands of small acts of love performed faithfully over time.
A card tucked into a purse.
A hand held during a difficult season.
A quiet conversation after the children are asleep.
A husband or wife choosing grace when criticism would be easier.
Those small moments become a lifetime.
“A great marriage is built one unselfish choice at a time.”
What Marriage Experts Confirm
As I researched this article, I discovered that many marriage experts recommend the same principles Helen and I learned through our many years together. While every couple is different, several common themes appeared repeatedly.
First, learn to listen.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your full attention. Too often, we listen just long enough to formulate a response or solve a problem. Real listening seeks to understand the heart behind the words. When your spouse speaks, put down the phone, turn off the television, and focus on what they are saying.
The experts at The Gottman Institute emphasize emotional connection and understanding as essential building blocks for a healthy marriage.
Second, make time for each other.
Life is busy. Careers, children, church activities, and responsibilities can consume every spare moment if we let them. One lesson Helen and I learned is that marriages need intentional time together. For us, that was in the car while traveling to a function, buying groceries sixty miles away, or while we traveled to the lake.
Sometimes our “date night” was a special evening out. Other times, it was a drive to the ice cream shop, a walk together, a game of cards, or a drive to the lake for an evening picnic. The activity we did was far less important than the time spent together.
Organizations like FamilyLife continue to encourage couples to schedule regular time together because relationships thrive when they are nurtured.
Third, never stop expressing gratitude.
After many years of marriage, it becomes easy to take one another for granted. Yet a simple “thank you” still carries tremendous power.
Thank your spouse for the meals they prepare, the work they do, the sacrifices they make, and the countless ways they enrich your life. Appreciation is like water to a plant—it helps love continue to grow.
As I look back over six decades with Helen, I realize that many of the strongest moments in our marriage were not the grand events. They were small acts of kindness, appreciation, and attention repeated day after day. One thing stands out even today: Helen bought me a set of Adam Clark Commentaries. When I opened each volume to study a passage of scripture, I found a sticky note that thanked me for the small things I did around the house. I still have most of those notes.
A successful marriage is rarely built in a day; it’s built one loving choice at a time.
Stay Connected
Remember, I said, “Strong marriages don’t happen by accident.” They are built through faith, commitment, forgiveness, and a willingness to grow together.
Whether you’ve been married six months or sixty years, invest in your relationship today. Tell your spouse what they mean to you. Pray together. Take a walk. Share a meal without distractions. Hold hands. Remember why you fell in love in the first place.
One day, you’ll look back and discover that the ordinary moments became the most extraordinary memories.
“The strongest marriages are not those without struggles, but those that refuse to quit when struggles come.”
As for Helen and me, we thank God for sixty-one wonderful years together. They have not all been easy, but they have all been worth it.
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