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Egotism: An Exaggerated Self-Importance

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There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself. But if your confidence crosses over into self-importance — especially if it has a negative impact on others — the way you act very well may veer into egotistical territory (Bustle).

I’ve looked at family therapists and psychologists to help us understand egotism. If we are honest, most of us at one time or another have had a tendency to be somewhat egotistical. However, when we are overly consumed with ourselves, egotism is the result.

In an article by Carina Wolff and Carolyn Steber, they identify 15 traits of egotistical people and offer suggestions on how to overcome them. At various points in these traits, I’ll give some personal stories to show how I dealt with my own ego. I hope you’ll see through my struggles how you too can be an overcomer.

1. You’re All About Material Things

I love to shop in sporting goods stores. If I had a ton of money, I’d certainly have all the latest gadgets and the best hunting and fishing paraphernalia. I’ve learned, however, to limit my purchases to what is needed.

The problem for the ego-centered person is that they place a high value on material objects. If having more, having the best, and making sure everyone knows about it is important to you — because it defines your identity — then you have an ego problem.

“When self-worth is tied to possessions, the emptiness inside only grows larger.”

2. You’re A Big Fan Of Gossip

Do you enjoy negative conversations? Complaining about others? Spreading juicy bits of gossip? Or always steering the conversation back to you? If so, you may be feeding your ego.

I didn’t think I was egotistical until a friend gave me a reality check. His truck broke down, and I immediately went negative: “This doesn’t look good. We’ll have to stay in a motel.” He calmly looked for solutions instead of “what if’s.” Then he said to me, “Ron, why do you always look at the negative? That’s not a good example for your grandchildren.”

That hurt — but it stuck. I realized the negative thinking was feeding my ego because it kept the focus on me.

3. Your Parents Always Praised You

Sometimes a big ego can stem from childhood. “How we are raised can shape how our ego develops,” clinical therapist Dana Hall, LCPC, told Bustle. If you grew up with constant praise and never had to face failure, you may struggle with entitlement or superiority now.

4. You Tend To Interrupt Others

Egotistical people assume what they have to say is more important. I didn’t realize I was guilty until a Bible College student confronted me: “Pastor, I never get a chance to finish what I’m saying. You’re always interrupting.”

That knocked me off my feet. I made it a practice to listen without interrupting. Later, my son said, “Dad, this is the first time I feel you’ve really heard me.” That moment of connection was worth every ounce of effort.

“Listening is not waiting for your turn to speak — it is making room for another soul to breathe.”

Psalm 141:5

5 Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.

5. You Hold A Position Of Power

Not all leaders are egotistical. But if you crave attention or prestige, or live for the chance to boss people around, you may have an ego problem.

I’m not proud of how I treated my employees. I was always checking their work and giving them “what for” when they didn’t do things the way I wanted or expected. I didn’t realize I was being egotistical. When I reflected on my behavior I always felt bad.

In ministry, I also craved positions of authority. Thankfully, God never allowed me to move up too far. In hindsight, that was mercy — He needed to humble me before I could see who He truly is.

6. You’re “Overwhelming”

There is a time and place to be assertive. However, if you talk over others regularly, you might consider why you do this.

At seminary, when my arguments were weak, I compensated with volume. I was loud, obnoxious, and thought importance came from dominating others. Only when I hit bottom did I ask God for help. Slowly, He changed me.

“Strength is not in the loudness of your voice but in the gentleness of your spirit.”

7. You’re Bad At Writing “3 Things I’m Grateful For List” (#12 in the article)

If egotism has been a lifelong problem, this is tough for you.

I heard someone talk about having a gratitude tree. My wife and I implemented his suggestion and for a long time when something good happened, we wrote down everything we were grateful for. Before we moved to Missouri, I had a gratitude wall in my study.  It helped me keep focused on how often God has intervened in my daily life.

Egotistical people feel intitled to what you give them so they don’t think about saying those simple words, “Thank You.”

7–15. Other Traits At A Glance

The article also highlights several other signs of egotism:

  • You hate losing.
  • You rarely connect with others socially.
  • You always take full credit for successes.
  • You have a hard time admitting when you’re wrong.
  • You’re super opinionated.
  • You struggle with gratitude.
  • You choose friends strategically.
  • You always have to be in control.
  • Deep down, you actually have low self-esteem.

Each of these reflects the same root issue: self-importance. And each can be overcome by honest reflection, humility, and intentional growth.

Conclusion: Choosing Humility Over Ego

Recognition of a problem is the beginning of healing. For me, healing came when friends were bold enough to confront my flaws — and when I asked God to help me change.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” – C.S. Lewis

If egotism has begun to damage your relationships, don’t ignore it. Seek out biblically based support, counseling, or accountability before it leads to deeper pain such as anxiety, depression, or broken connections.

When you choose humility over ego, you’ll discover that your relationships grow stronger, your faith deepens, and your life reflects more of God’s grace.

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