Raising Families in Today’s Secular World — Part 3
There is a moment every parent faces—one we never plan for—when protecting our child no longer means shielding them, but walking beside them through something painful.
I learned that lesson on a cold Colorado mountainside with my teenage son, Daniel.
I wanted to shelter him.
What he needed was to be strengthened.
When Protection Isn’t the Same as Preparation
The hunt had already gone wrong.
A game warden had issued a harsh warning earlier that day. My nerves were raw. Daniel’s were worse. When the warden finally left, we stood in silence beneath the firs and aspens, both of us shaken.
“Sometimes, when all heaven has answered and hell is at your feet, the best therapy is to pick up right where you left off.”
So we did.
I asked Daniel—not ordered him—where he wanted to hunt next. That mattered more than I realized at the time.
“I was proud that I asked him his preference instead of giving an order. I hoped he noticed the change in me.”
He did.
The Moment That Changed Everything
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Forty minutes later, Daniel fired his rifle. The deer was hit—but not killed instantly.
I found her first.
Her cries cut through the mountains like a siren.
“A frightened, wounded animal’s cry can soften even the most seasoned hunter.”
When I put the deer down, I turned and saw my son hiding behind a rock—ashen, broken, emptied.
“Not unlike the deer fighting to survive, Daniel had ducked behind a rock with head down, shoulders slumped, and all the life gone from his spirit.”
Every instinct in me screamed protect him.
Hide this from him.
Do it for him.
Make it stop.
“Daniel, you can stay back, and I’ll field dress her.”
That was sheltering.
And it wasn’t enough.
The Father’s Dilemma: Fix It or Face It Together
I didn’t know how to help my son process what he’d just witnessed. I only knew I couldn’t erase it.
“Nothing is worse than a parent struggling over a child’s emotional upheaval that they can’t fix.”
Later, a stranger named Arnold—clearly sent by God—gave me wisdom I desperately needed:
“Don’t rush your son. Let him process things at his own pace.”
That changed everything.
Instead of forcing Daniel back into “normal,” I gave him space, voice, and time.
Coffee.
Conversation.
Laughter.
Silence.
Golf.
No pressure.
Strengthening doesn’t look dramatic.
It looks patient.
Strength Comes From Meaning, Not Avoidance
Daniel told me weeks later:
“I can still hear the doe’s screams… It’s like everything is on a merry-go-round in my head.”
I didn’t argue.
I didn’t correct.
I didn’t spiritualize his pain away.
I listened.
That was the work.
“I had to walk a tightrope between validating his emotions and helping him do the purposeful work of overcoming the trauma.”
It took three seasons before Daniel hunted big game again.
But when he did, he wasn’t the same boy.
He was stronger.
Where Parents Get It Wrong Today
Many parents today confuse protection with preparation.
We:
- Remove failure
- Silence discomfort
- Prioritize happiness
- Take away the fight
All with good intentions.
But intention doesn’t equal outcome.
“When we remove struggle, we remove the opportunity to build strength.”
This applies far beyond hunting.
Modern Battlefields: We Try to Shelter Instead of Strengthen
Media Exposure
When my son David was in grade school, media exposure was simple by comparison. We monitored television closely. Video games were new, and if kids wanted to play, they had to go to an arcade. Access was limited, visible, and easy to supervise.
Today, that world no longer exists.
The challenges our children face now are constant, portable, and private. If your personality is anything like mine, the instinct is to clamp down—to lay down strict rules and try to control every screen, app, and influence.
I understand that instinct. I’ve lived it.
But control alone doesn’t prepare a child for the moment we aren’t there.
Just as I learned on that mountainside with Daniel, protection without preparation eventually fails. If I had shielded him from every hard moment, he wouldn’t have learned how to process pain. In the same way, if we only restrict media without teaching discernment, our children won’t know how to navigate the digital world when parental filters disappear.
Today’s digital world is relentless. Total control isn’t realistic—and it isn’t effective.
Instead of only saying no, we must teach our children how to pause, question, and choose wisely. We strengthen their values so that when they encounter harmful content—and they will—they are equipped to respond with maturity rather than curiosity or secrecy.
The goal isn’t to raise children who never see darkness.
It’s to raise children who recognize it—and turn away.
➡️ Focus on the Family – Media Discernment for Kids
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/media-guidance-for-families/
Failure
Failure is not the enemy of self-esteem—it’s the forge that shapes it.
➡️ Why Failure Is Essential for Growth (Psychology Today)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/raising-resilient-children
Pain
Pain is not proof of poor parenting. It is often a tutor.
“Do not mistake the role of comforter as being one who removes all discomfort.”
The Chrysalis Lesson
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Struggle isn’t an obstacle to growth—it’s the means by which growth happens.
Years ago, I found a chrysalis and watched as the butterfly inside struggled to emerge. Wanting to help, I gently opened it. What crawled out wasn’t a butterfly capable of flight, but a weakened creature that never learned to use its wings.
The struggle wasn’t cruelty.
It was conditioning.
When a butterfly pushes against the chrysalis, fluid is forced into its wings, strengthening them for flight. Without that resistance, the wings remain underdeveloped.
“When I removed the struggle, I took away its opportunity to build enough strength to push its way out.”
The same principle applies to parenting.
When we remove every hardship—every uncomfortable emotion, every failure, every moment of tension—we don’t prepare our children for life. We unintentionally weaken them. We rob them of the chance to develop resilience, discernment, and inner strength.
Our role isn’t to pry open the chrysalis.
It’s to stand close while they push.
Because strength that lasts is never given—it’s built.
Our children need:
- Guidance, not rescue
- Presence, not control
- Truth, not insulation
The Balance That Builds Adults
Sheltering has a place.
Strengthening must follow.
Protect innocence without breeding naïveté.
Offer comfort without removing courage.
Stand close—but don’t block the path.
That mountain taught me something I could never learn from a book:
“When we give kids the freedom to fight and fail and find their way through pain, we are not hurting them. We are helping them learn to fly.”
Next in the Series
Blog 4: “Teaching Discernment Without Fear”
Why wisdom—not avoidance—is the survival skill our kids need most.
Stay Connected
Staying connected doesn’t mean rescuing.
It means staying close enough that your child can process—not perform.
Daniel didn’t need me to pretend the mountain never happened.
He needed a steady presence who could listen without rushing, validate without collapsing, and guide without control.
Because the deepest wounds don’t heal through lectures.
They heal through relationship. Through time. Through a parent who keeps showing up.
And in a world that tells our kids to numb, scroll, or hide—
the strongest voice in their life won’t be the loudest one online.
It will be the one that stayed with them in the silence.
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In His Service,
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